How To Keep Your Social Life When You Stop Drinking

Featured Image

Everything featured on The Nessie is independently selected and rigorously tested. We may receive a small commission on purchases made from some of our links. Also, The Nessie is part of the Ness Card ecosystem. (The Ness Card is issued by The Bank of Missouri, pursuant to a license from Mastercard, and serviced by Ness Well Financial, LLC.) Since you’re here, you’d probably be into it.

After hitting your 21st birthday (and maybe a little bit before that), “socializing” and “alcohol” start to feel synonymous. Drinking seems to be everywhere—at work events, parties, family gatherings, even yoga and paint nights. This is why, if you’ve decided to cut back or stop drinking alcohol, any social situation without some trusty liquid courage can bring up feelings of nervousness, anxiety, or stress.

But you’re not alone. “More and more people are ‘sober curious’ these days, meaning they’re exploring the idea of choosing sobriety,” says Kelly McKenna, licensed therapist and anxiety specialist. “Alcohol is an easy way to numb our feelings, which leads to concerns about going sober, such as whether there are any fun drinks without alcohol, if you can ever go out again, or uncertainty of how to relax after a hectic day at work.” 

So how do you handle social life without alcohol? You may be tempted to decline any and all invitations where you could feel peer pressured, awkward, or even out of place without an adult beverage in hand. But you don’t have to hide from social situations forever. 

Whether you’re sober, sober curious, or just want to cut back on drinking, we spoke with experts on how to navigate social situations (and enjoy life) as a sober person. Spoiler: It’s totally possible to give up alcohol without giving up your social life. 

If you or someone you love is struggling with alcohol addiction, call the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) for assistance finding support and treatment resources in your area. 

Remember the Benefits of Not Drinking Alcohol

a row of non-alcoholic drinks—the bottles and matching cocktails in mismatching glasses (pentire, casamara, seedlip, kin euphorics, rasasvada, three spirit)
Brock DuPont for The Nessie

The choice to drink or not drink alcohol is a personal one, but there are plenty of benefits to cutting back or abstaining. You don’t need to tell everyone you’re with about these benefits all the time, but they may be useful to keep in mind for yourself.

  1. Better physical health: No level of alcohol consumption icon-trusted-source The Lancet “No level of alcohol consumption improves health ” View Source improves health. (No, not even that daily glass of red wine we were told to drink for “heart health” in the aughts.) And drinking alcohol puts you at short- and long-term risk icon-trusted-source CDC “Alcohol Use and Your Health” View Source of several conditions. These range from the relatively minor (hangovers) and extend to more major things, like injuries, overdoses icon-trusted-source CDC “Polysubstance Use Facts” View Source , heart and liver disease, a weaker immune system, and cancer. Quitting helps reduce your exposure, and thus your risk.  
  2. Better mental health: Alcohol can also have a negative impact on mental health. These problems include learning and memory problems, dementia, poor school performance, depression, anxiety, social problems, unemployment, alcohol use disorders, or alcohol dependence. When you cut back or quit, your mental health may improve.
  3. Better impulse control and judgment: Alcohol increases your risk of giving in to impulsive choices icon-trusted-source CDC “Why Drinking Less Matters” View Source , poor decisions, and later regret. Choosing to forego alcohol in social settings can help you keep a clear mind. 
  4. Better mood and increased energy: Alcohol decreases natural stimulants icon-trusted-source Harvard Health Publishing “Sedative effects of drinking can also initiate other physical responses in the body” View Source like serotonin and dopamine, which are the hormones that make you feel good and regulates your energy. When these hormones are depleted, you may feel drowsy, lethargic, and moody. This can also interfere with your ability to get a good night of rest. Alcohol consumption is associated with insomnia, breathing problems in your sleep, and increased need to get up and pee at night. When you stop drinking, you should feel more energized during the day and get better rest at night.
  5. Better bank account: There are only so many $20 espresso martinis a person can buy. The bill at the end of a night of drinking can be steep. By abstaining (or opting for a few-bucks-cheaper mocktail), you’ll save. 

Know that “No Thanks” Is A Powerful Statement

You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your choice not to drink. “Get comfortable with ‘no thank you’ being a complete sentence,” says Sarah Chotkowski, a private practice clinical social worker who specializes in substance abuse. “It can be tempting to over-explain your reasons for declining a drink and launch into a long explanation that leaves you feeling embarrassed. Practice saying ‘no thank you’ and just ending the sentence there.” You can practice saying it in the mirror and with friends—as long as your “no” is non-negotiable, people will move on.

If someone is really pushing you, you can simply add “I’m not in the mood,” or ““I’m happy with [seltzer/lemonade/literally anything else].”

Set Boundaries In Advance

For acquaintances, a simple “no thanks” should be enough. But you may need to take a clearer stance with people with whom you have close relationships. Before attending social events, set up boundaries for people who may push you to drink. “It is important to be specific, have a reason behind it, and a consequence if the boundary is crossed,” says Howard Barker, B.S., Director of New Life House, a community for sober living. Specific asks can include asking friends not to offer you alcoholic drinks or asking them not to drink around you until you feel more comfortable being sober. 

BYOB

an orange can of De Soi non-alcoholic apertif next to the scarlet liquid with ice cubes in a tall cylindrical drinking glass
Brock DuPont for The Nessie

If you’re going to a house party, one way to ensure you’ll have access to a zero-proof beverage is to bring your own. This could be a pack of your favorite seltzer or a specialty non-alcoholic cocktail. We’ve tested a bunch, and love De Soi’s non-alcoholic apéritifs

Use The Buddy System

When attending an event where alcohol will be present (and prevalent), it can be helpful to bring a friend who’s aware of your sobriety or is also sober. This way, they’ll be there as a support system if you start to feel uncomfortable. 

Have An Exit Plan

You may also opt to go into a social event with an out in mind. Check in with yourself regularly. If a social situation is no longer enjoyable or you’re feeling anxious, don’t be afraid to step out or leave an event entirely. “It takes time to build up your tolerance for being at social events without alcohol. So, before you arrive, give yourself an excuse to leave or set a time limit,” says McKenna. 

Surround Yourself With Supportive People

The people you hang around can have a big impact on your sobriety and social life. New sober friends will understand what you’re going through, while old friends that you used to drink with may not. Chotkowski recommends telling people up front. She says, “[My sobriety] is one of the first things I tell people about myself. It helps me weed out acquaintances that are heavy users or judgmental from the get-go, so I don’t waste my emotional energy on people who don’t deserve it. Being up front has also led me to fellow substance free and sober curious folks.” 

Find Structured Social Events—And Be Selective

It’s helpful to avoid environments that are centered around alcohol, like bars, clubs, or bottomless mimosa brunches. There are plenty of social activities to explore, such as:glow bowling, putt-putt golf, outdoor sports, hiking, and movie or museum nights. If you’re not sure where to find people who don’t want to drink, search “sober social groups near me” or check for Meetup groups centered around sobriety or non-drinking activities. (Just be aware of the group’s full plans—if a hiking club ends every trek at a brewery, that may not be the best bet.) “Picking up a new hobby that you love and people to do it with is a great way to socialize and make new friends,” says Barker. 

Be Gentle With Yourself 

Most of us start drinking in our early adult years. After that, almost all social events seem like reasons to drink, and navigating them when you don’t drink can feel weird. But just give yourself time. You can think of socializing sober as a new skill, one that takes time, effort, and persistence to feel comfortable. Right now, it’s OK if you have to leave some events early, skip others, or take baby steps wherever you can. 

Remember to practice self-care, such as regular exercise, good nutrition, getting enough sleep, and addressing mental health, all which can help you avoid drinking. Wherever you’re coming from, it’s a process—and you deserve to be proud of your journey. 

Sources

  1. No level of alcohol consumption improves health: “No level of alcohol consumption improves health.” The Lancet (August 2018).
  2. And drinking alcohol puts you at short- and long-term risk of several conditions: “Alcohol Use and Your Health.” CDC (April 2022).
  3. These range from the relatively minor (hangovers) and extend to more major things, like injuries, overdoses, heart and liver disease, a weaker immune system, and cancer: “Polysubstance Use Facts.” CDC (February 2022).
  4. Alcohol increases your risk of giving in to impulsive choices , poor decisions, and later regret: “Why Drinking Less Matters.” CDC (May 2022).
  5. Alcohol decreases natural stimulants like serotonin and dopamine, which are the hormones that make you feel good and regulates your energy: “Alcohol and fatigue.” Harvard Health Publishing (August 2019).

Exploring the health and wellness world is better with a friend.

Wellness recommendations you’ll want—delivered to your inbox twice a week. Subscribe to our (free) newsletter and join our growing community!

 

"*" indicates required fields

This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Exploring the health and wellness world is better with a friend.

Wellness recommendations you’ll want—delivered to your inbox twice a week. Subscribe to our (free) newsletter and join our growing community!

 

"*" indicates required fields

This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.
Get Product Reviews In Your Inbox
Sign up for our free bi-weekly newsletter.
In this article
Articles you might like
Massage Therapy, Restore
Post Excerpt

Want more?

Subscribe to Nessie Sightings. Wellness recommendations you’ll want—delivered to your inbox twice a week. Subscribe to our (free) newsletter and join our growing community!

The emails are free, the finds are priceless.

Sign up for twice weekly emails discovering the best in health.

“This card is such an exciting addition to my wallet and it’s perfect for someone who values health and wellness but hasn’t found a credit card that rewards me for that. I love getting rewarded for wellness practices like sleeping, meditating, and moving my body—plus extra points on purchases at my favorite places like Whole Foods, ClassPass and sweetgreen. The app is easy to use and the card is designed for your definition of health and wellness, which I love. It’s flexible!”

Kira's Favorite Healthy Merchants

“It’s no secret that wellness is such an important part of my everyday life. I spend a lot of money to help fuel my love of running, recovery, nutrition and mindfulness, so the fact that I can now earn rewards for every dollar I spend with the Ness Card is amazing. My health always comes first, and the Ness Card makes that easy to do. It’s a win-win for everyone!”

Andi's Favorite Healthy Merchants

“As a new mum, wellness and self-care is a priority for me—so I can, in turn, be able to take care of my baby. I love the incentives that Ness offers for making healthier choices. And to be rewarded along the way for those purchases is such a plus!

Oh, and getting 5x point rewards on my Erewhon $20+ smoothie makes it a little more justifiable.”

Amrit's Favorite Healthy Merchants

“I made a promise to myself to find my joy again in 2023. For the past few years, I haven’t been taking care of myself mentally and physically because I’ve just been on the go and focusing on the future instead of being present. I realized that part of the reason I wasn’t happy was because I wasn’t taking care of myself. So, now with the Ness Card—which literally rewards you for staying on top of your wellness journey—I’ve easily been able to focus on my mental and physical journey. Using the card is now a part of my weekly routine, whether I’m buying groceries, going to therapy, spending a day at the spa, or treating myself to a delicious yummy meal.”

Candace's Favorite Healthy Merchants

“I love life with the Ness Card! The team behind the scenes work really hard to make it valuable and to create a sense of community, which you feel in every newsletter and hand-crafted partnership. The card itself encourages me to be even more curious about where I’m spending my money. It definitely incentivizes me to spend ‘healthier’, which is really unique. On top of that, getting points for taking more steps? There is seriously nothing like it.

David's Favorite Healthy Merchants

“My favorite thing about the Ness Card is that it rewards you for your healthy habits, and not all of them require spending. Yes, you can earn 5x points when you spend at any of their approved health and wellness merchants (think Erewhon and many of your other favorites) but you also earn points for being active daily! So now your sanity walks are literally paying off :) As someone who not only works in wellness but lives and breathes it, essentially most of my expenses live in that realm and with the Ness Card I can now be rewarded nicely for those purchases.”

Kirsty's Favorite Healthy Merchants

“I love that I have rewards to look forward to when I focus on my health and wellness. As a mom of two and full time photographer/creator, it’s hard to find time to prioritize my health and—as my body ages—I want to make sure that I’m treating it to all the TLC it needs (and deserves)! The Ness Card reminds me to take care of my mental, physical, and emotional health on the daily.”

Valerie's Favorite Healthy Merchants

“It’s refreshing to have a card app that is so easy to use. I can track my spending and rewards at the click of a button. I love getting a notification when I get extra points for getting a full night sleep or getting my steps in, though of course those are optional. I work a lot, and I feel like I get extra rewarded for taking the time to take care of myself – whether it’s therapy or simply cooking at home instead of dining out. The points accumulate really quickly, and I’ve already gotten a $1,000 credit at Erewhon in my first four months. I also go visit family in Europe a lot, and no one takes my card there, so it’s so convenient to be able to use my Ness Card without ever paying a fee.”

Mélanie's Favorite Healthy Merchants

“As someone who spends the majority of her money on wellness, the Ness Card is perfect for me! I love earning 5x points on purchases at healthy businesses that I was already making, anyways. The Ness Card also motivates me to get enough sleep, practice mindfulness and other healthy habits. The app is really user-friendly and I love watching my points add up. I am excited to redeem them for wellness-related items!”

Lauren's Favorite Healthy Merchants

“The Ness Card motivates me to keep up my healthy habits, and has helped me discover new brands and products that are in alignment with my goals. I’m not spending any more with my Ness Card, but the money I am spending on health and wellness is actually earning me rewards, benefits, and even cash back. And because Ness’s definition of a ‘healthy merchant’ is so generous, I’m able to recognize all of the small ways I practice self-care throughout the week. From buying fresh veggies to going to therapy to taking my supplements, the Ness Card is there to cheer me on: ‘Keep being healthy, girl. You deserve 5x points for that.'”

Melissa's Favorite Healthy Merchants

“The Ness Card rewards me when I spend money on health and wellness. Especially because so much of my wellness routine is spent being active, gardening, making food with my husband, getting a massage, or having some me time, it is nice to be rewarded for that with points that are with brands I shop at all the time anyway. It allows my wellness choices to work harder which I love.”

Research Based

This article was rigorously researched and fact checked. We use peer-reviewed journals and reputable medical sources (think: CDC, WHO, NIH, and the like) to back up every claim we make, and also reach out to experts in the field to ensure we’re covering things the right way. We apply these principles to everything we cover—including brands we partner with—and we’ll always disclose sponsorships, ads, and any kind of financial relationship with anything featured on The Nessie. You deserve the best, most straightforward information on health and wellness, and we think this is the right way to do it. You can read more about our testing and review process here.

If something doesn’t seem quite right, let us know at [email protected].